Anger, Night Terrors, Every Day Life

Normal left our family a long time ago. Our life before CPS was an everyday same routine. Now it all depends on each person's moods in this house. There is 3 of us with depression and PTSD so moods go from happy to crying to just mad and yelling.

The night terrors are the worst most of the time. Mindy, Clint and I have them terrible. We jump out of the bed screaming and yelling. We hit walls. We don't know we are doing it and don't remember doing it the next day. The thing with these PTSD night terrors is you don't touch the person when they are doing it. You are reliving what happened to you. They are terrible.

Its hard to deal with your own PTSD and depression when your trying to help your kids deal with it. How do you help them when you don't have the answers for them?

The anger I have and my kids have toward CPS and KSP will never go away. I can't explain to them why what happened happened or how to make it better. They are angry for being jerked away from us. They are angry for never being allowed to say what we were accused of is a lie. They are angry for being mistreated in foster homes. There is so much anger from all of us.

Jeff had only been away from me one time in his life in 9 years before foster care. He was a mama's boy. He hugged me and told me he loved me 10 times a day. When he came home he had been mistreated in foster care and drugged. I remember telling him he couldn't do something one day and him getting in my face and saying what you gonna do about it bitch?. I just turned around and walked off and didn't say a word. NEVER in his life would he ever have spoke to me like that before foster care. He has gotten a lot better but he still has his days. Some days he will just get so mad he will cry and say he just doesn't understand why they did what they did to us. He goes from calm to plain downright pissed off and can't think in 2 seconds. He will be 12 this year and he still sneaks in our bed every night. He doesn't want to go anywhere away from us. He is fine with his friends coming over here but he won't stay with friends. He doesn't want anyone to know they were in foster care. He doesn't want anyone to know anything that happened. Before foster care him and Mindy was VERY close. Now they are not. While they were in foster care they weren't even allowed to step in each others rooms or hug each other if one was crying. I am slowly getting my baby back but he will never be the same.

Mindy has night terrors every night. Her moods are crazy. One minute she is happy and the next she is crying. Yes she is in counseling and on medicine. Her night terrors are of being taken away from us and the detective grabbing her arm and screaming in her face. Plus she was sexually abused by a former foster dad and has to deal with that. She lives in fear of him coming after her every day. Mindy has a lot of guilt for telling what happened because she feels that is why I can't see my parents and why my siblings turned on me. Her guilt over that will never go away no matter what we say to her.

Clint has missed a lot of school this year. He actually got ulcers from this crap and was in the hospital from that. This caused tension migraines and he was in the hospital from that. Then he got so depressed he went to bed and wouldn't get up. He cried for a day and a half straight. He lost 20 pounds in one month. I tried and tried to pull him out of it and couldn't  He finally said he needed to go to the mental part of Kosiars and get help. He was there for a week and I missed him like crazy. His behaviour when he first came home was a lot like Jeffs. He has turned around 75%.  He is very very close to my parents and brothers and can't see my parents due to the no contact order with my brother because he still lives at home. He is very angry and depressed over that. He wants my mom to come here and stay a few days and she can't because of my brothers and he resents that also.

Each day is a little better for the most part. What keeps us going is each other supporting each other and the kids knowing I am still fighting trying to find someone to sue CPS and KSP. And now trying to help other foster kids and making a positive out of this negative. No matter what the five of us will always stick together. 

Seeing the kids for the first time

Clint was released from Kosairs after we had our care plan meeting. A worker went and picked him up and brought him to the CPS office. I will never ever forget seeing him for the first time since they took them. I grabbed him and wrapped my arms around him and wouldn't let go. I just kept telling him I love him and asking him if he was ok. He said yes he was ok and mom can you please let go now. I know I held him for a good five minutes before Kate Jeffcoate rudely told us to come out of the hall.

We went in a room where they had glass and they sat on one side and watched and listened to everything we were saying. At that point I was so glad to see him I just didn't care.

The foster parent was bringing Mindy and Jeff to the office so we could see them. I don't know who ran to each other faster me or them. I just grabbed them and didn't want to let go. We all went back in the meeting room and of course they had a lot of questions. Geneva called me out in the hall to tell me that we weren't to talk about what had happened and just to tell them we just wanted to visit with them so we wasn't going to talk about it. Do you know how hard that was one me? I wasn't allowed to answer any questions they had. The whole point of that was they didn't want me to say anything negative about CPS or KSP. We tried to make the best of the little time we had with them.

It didn't seem like we had very long with them. We asked them if there was things they wanted from home and told them we would bring them the next visit. About all we could say at that point was we was doing what we could to get them home as fast as we could.

Leaving them that day was terrible. The foster mother had brought them and when it was time for them to leave the workers got in their cars and left and left us standing in the parking lot with our kids and foster mom. They got in her truck and before we got back to our car Mindy and Jeff was running across the parking lot screaming. The foster mother was all mad because they wouldn't get in the truck. We hugged them and I carried Jeff back to the truck while Mindy walked with my husband. I had to literally put Jeff in the truck and fasten his seatbelt  He was screaming for me not to make him go and I was crying and said I don't have a choice. He was screaming crying and saying yes you do. The foster mom shut the truck door and drove off. Later when i was thinking about it I came to the conclusion we must not be such bad parents if the workers felt comfortable enough leaving us alone with them. For all they knew we could have beat the foster mom and took the kids and ran. This was only the first week of the next 6 months of hell we would have....

Lying Accusations

To this day i am still amazed at the lies that were told. On one of the biggest lies that was told was that I was a drug addict and alcoholic. If I drink once a year it is a miracle. I have NEVER even tried a drug in my life.It was said that my kids were having sex with each other. It was said I had hit Mindy across the face and back. It was even told to the Judge that no family would take our kids so they needed to be placed in foster care. It was said my dad and I conducted an investigation in March and felt there wasn't a need to call the police which was not true. It was also said that after we found out what happened to Mindy that we allowed her around my brother again. It wa stated the dynamic is this family is toxic and is impacting the the children in  a way that is detrimental to their well being. It was said that my father was the father of my son Clint. That I placed Mindy on birth control so she wouldn't get pregnant by her uncle.Dr. Mary Lou Reichardt the one that reported all of this had her own lies. She reported that she was told by my husband that he knew Mindy was sexually abused and that he didn't feel bad at it and she reported he was holding Mindy in an seemingly intimate manner. I often sit and wonder how these people can just make up these random lies and get away with it. Just because they are a Social Worker, A Doctor or the Police doesn't mean anything. How many Social Workers, Police, Judges, Doctors, Lawyers have been caught in lies??

These accusations were not kept quiet. These blatant lies were put in the local newspapers and the local news stations. The news reporters wanted to make sure and make us front page news and we were the top story on the news but when all charges were dropped not one news source was willing to report that or hear our story.

There isn't one single thing that I have said in this blog that I cant back up with DVDs, documents and more